- A control pattern you must note:
Have every of the purchases you ever made been subjected to scrutiny by your partner such that it made you feel as though you are not capable of getting involved in an independent transactions with other persons?
You may have heard severally statements such as:
“You have been cheated; it is not as costly as this.”
At other times, it is:
“This is not a better quality: the design did not match the colour.”
Others include:
“The choice you made is not as good as the one I earlier suggested”
“Must you always visit them on you ways back? Can you close and go back to your own house?”
“You always go to their own house, when will they ever visit you?”
“Can’t you stay in your own house; must you always sit with them?”
These are few of the manipulative questioning patterns intended to question their perception of reality, sanity, and memories.
They are meant to make the other partner in the relationship confused and unable to trust themselves.
This attitudinal pattern is a psychological abuse called gaslighting.
2. Watch out for reciprocal actions that are not treated equally:
Try eating with a narcissist for example. S/he takes the choice part of the food, looks you straight into the eyes, smiles, and says something like: “it does not even as fleshy as I thought; it is all bone.” The narcissist partner does not give a hoot how you feel be that action.
On a flip side, you be the one to do same to him or her at some other time and the angry reaction you will receive will surprise you. If care is not taken, you would be rewarded with emotional distancing for days or weeks. This particular attitude is known as interpersonal exploitative behavior.
3. Does your emotional downside receive empathy?
Let’s say you were involved in a transaction that went awry and you made real loses. Or you lost a love one so dear to your heart. Just imagine something bad happened to you that ordinarily should elicit empathy towards you from other loved ones – family and friends. You will be shocked to your marrow to discover that your narcissist partner carries on as though s/he is not aware of your emotional downside. This is more obvious if the said partner in hitherto bearing some grudge against you. When your emotional downside fails to receive the empathy of your partner, there are every likelihood the partner is a narcissist.
4. Is your partner’s need and request for admiration becoming excessive?
Are you feeling that your partner’s need and request for admiration is beyond what is normal? Or better still, is your partner’s need and request for admiration overwhelming? For anything done in your favour, including cooking the meals, doing the chores, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, etc., you hear statements such as: “you did not even tell me thank you” At other times, you hear statement like: “you didn’t even comment how I look.”
The narcissist constantly reminds you of your failure to express admiration to him/her at every point in time. This reminder is often accompanied with comparison such as: “and if it is other persons you will say thank you.” The other partner in the relationship from whom such requests are made often feels his/her right to personal liberty is being trampled upon. They no longer free to act the way they please rather it must be what please the narcissist partner.
5. Is your relationship with the opposite sex always viewed in negative light?
A narcissist partner is by nature livid with aggressive envy. They can’t stand seeing their partner being so free with other persons of the opposite gender. Whenever they see their partner discussing freely with another person of the opposite sex, they immediately assume their partner is having an affair with that individual. Based on this baseless assumption, they put up an attitude aimed at making life difficult for their partner. They may simply lock up and begin to frustrate every attempt at communication with their partner. They may blatantly refuse to accede to every attempt to having conjugal relationship. Such refusal can be followed with outbursts such as: “why don’t you go and invited (name is mentioned) to have it with you?” This is what gives you the inkling as to what has been responsible for his/her sudden behavior. Most often, what this narcissist partner may be thinking exists between partner being accused and the person with whom they are being suspected does not actually exist except in the figment of the imagination of the narcissist partner .